How to Break Up With Someone… Nicely
If you’ve decided to break up with your BF or GF, it’s essential to do so in a way that minimizes the pain they feel. That means having a conversation that’s honest, respectful, and kind.
“It’s important to have a clear reason for breaking up with someone, and to have a plan for how you’re going to do it,” says psychotherapist Rebecca Hendrix.
Be Honest
Breaking up with someone can be tricky, but you must do it in a way that respects your partner and makes things as smooth as possible. If you do it correctly, you’ll be able to move on with your lives without too much stress or drama.
It’s also important to be honest when breaking up with your partner but not brutally so. You don’t want to say things like, “You’re terrible in bed” or “You lack ambition” because those statements will be harsh and likely be interpreted as a form of insult.
The best time to tell your partner you’re ending the relationship is when it feels right, according to JoAnn Magdoff, a New York-based psychotherapist who works with individuals and couples. This could be if your partner’s grandfather passed away or they’re going through a rough time in their lives, says Magdoff.
When you tell your partner you’re breaking up with them, be sure to do it in a safe and private place. Talking to them in public may feel more manageable, but it’s only sometimes a great idea if you’re worried about your partner having an emotional reaction or being attacked.
Once you’re ready, it’s also essential to prepare for the conversation by thinking about what you want to say and how you want to say it. That way, you can avoid getting stuck at the moment or fumbling with your words and making mistakes.
If you follow these tips, you’ll be able to break up with your partner in a way that minimizes the pain for both of you. And that’s worth it!
Be Respectful
If you’ve decided to break up with someone, it’s essential to do so in a way that’s respectful and dignified. This may sound like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how many people fail to do this.
“If you’re going to break up, it should be in a way that makes the person feel respected,” says Tzlil Hertzberg, a therapist at MyTherapist New York. This means communicating your feelings clearly, so they understand why you’ve decided to end things.
Hertzberg also recommends breaking up with someone in person, if possible. That way, you can show them that you value their time and attention before telling them the relationship is over.
It’s also important to be clear about why you’re breaking up and how it will affect your relationships with other people. This is especially important if you’re planning on telling your friends or family, as you’ll want to ensure they know where you stand.
Keeping this in mind can help you avoid the most common mistakes people make when ending a relationship, such as ghosting or saying they want to be friends when they really mean to end things.
Being disrespectful can be one of the most damaging ways to break up with someone.
As Sherman points out, being rude or offensive when you break up with someone can hurt them and may cause them to resent you even more afterwards.
In a world where it’s so easy to hide behind a screen, respect is one of the most important rules for any human relationship. If you follow these guidelines, you’ll be able to handle your breakup with someone in the most dignified way possible, and you can avoid having to spend a lot of time repairing the damage afterwards.
Be Kind
There’s no denying that breaking up with someone can be a tough pill to swallow. But with a bit of planning and some good old-fashioned empathy, you can end up in better shape than before.
The best way to go about this is by being honest — and kind. This doesn’t mean beating around the bush if you have something better to do, but it does mean being direct about why you want to part ways. And it also means avoiding the most prominent and egregious mistakes.
To help you out, we tapped some of the relationship industry’s best to find the most important things to keep in mind when a breakup is in your near future. From there, we’ve rounded up the top 5 ways to make this tricky process a little easier on you and your loved one.
Hopefully, these tips will have you slaying your next romantic escapade! Let us know what you think in the comments! The most important thing is to know that you’re not alone — we all have unique love stories.
Be Prepared
The best way to break up with someone is to do it in a way that’s respectful and kind. That means avoiding hurtful behaviours and trying to be as transparent as possible about why you’re breaking up in the first place.
“Being prepared can help alleviate any anxiety you might have about the conversation,” explains psychotherapist Babita Spinelli, L.P. “It can also give you more confidence and help you have a better, more organized conversation.”
Before having your breakup conversation, think about why you want to end the relationship in the first place. Whether there is a specific reason or you’re simply feeling unsatisfied, ask yourself why it feels like the time has come to end things, says De la Cruz.
She adds that a clear and compelling reason can make the process easier for you and make it more likely that your partner accepts your decision. If you’re unsure of why you want to end the relationship, it’s best to talk with a therapist before making your final decision so that they can support you in this important decision.
If you’re breaking up with a significant other, it’s always best to have the talk face-to-face. That can be hard, especially if you’ve been together for some time, but “you owe it to yourself and your partner to have the breakup in person,” explains Porter.
If you’re breaking up with a friend, it’s also a good idea to have the conversation in person. It will help you both get closure and will help you feel more comfortable with the decision. According to Hertzberg, even if you’re tempted to text or chat on the phone, having the breakup in person can be more emotionally meaningful.
Be Patient
A breakup doesn’t need to be a painful experience. It can be a chance to learn more about respecting others’ feelings.
If you can be patient when breaking up with someone, it will help both of you get through this challenging time together more efficiently. You don’t want to prolong the process by arguing, coming up with irrational justifications, or making excuses that hurt them more than they need to, suggests Tzlil Hertzberg, a therapist specializing in relationships at MyTherapist New York.
Hertzberg recommends asking yourself, “What is the most honest reason I want to break up with this person?” This will help you understand why your relationship has reached the end of its life and how to communicate it in a way that’s respectful to both of you.
Instead of blaming your ex-partner, explain how their behaviour has impacted the relationship. For example, if your partner has been a constant source of stress or negativity in the relationship, tell them that you are no longer comfortable being around them and that this affects your overall well-being.
Finally, don’t make promises that you can’t keep. If they say they’ll change or are unsure if they can be friends, make it clear that this is just their decision and not yours, suggests Porter.
You can also try giving yourself the kindness you would give to someone experiencing a physical injury, suggests Andrea Liner, Psy.D., who tells SELF that “remembering you’re still human and feeling your emotions is a healthy thing.”
